Welcome to the Bog...

10/17/23 | 8:35 PM

THISIS the Bog.... here iwill be having my autistic discussions... hopefully the way this is formatted works well... refer to the navigator on the right tojump to whatever entries you want to see..! If you wanna know what kindof stuff i like to talk about, check out my about page! (Work in Progress)
it might b a good idea to let u know i usually write these w the motivation of adhd meds and they make me write like i'm trying to fill up a 5 page essay So. I Might not be Entirely Cohesive and it'll probably be repetitive or run-on-ey. just ignorethat,,

Metal Gear Solid

11/28/23 | 8:59 AM

PSX - Started: idunno - Finished: 2/5/24 - Mode: Normal - Final Score: Idk man? It said Elephant. I think I sucked.

Started this a while ago after receiving my freaking awesome near mint copy of MGS lalalaal ohhhhh! I was planning on spending Thanksgiving break finishing it, but I got busy. I'll get to it sooon... I'm literally only in like, the second area. It's been pretty difficult so far, honestly! I expected it to be easy with my experience in stealth games (Which is.. A Plague Tale, and, uihhhh,.. noothing else.) Just sort of goes 2 show how game design has changed over time.., It isn't that games now are too easy, obviously not, it's just the huge dissonance between modern game design & the first initial stages of 3D gaming has me out of my element. Altho, the similarities are just as evident, and it's cool to see just how fundamental of a game MGS was considering just how many games follow its philosophies so closely decades later. I felt so stupid for assuming the AI would be primitive; I freaked out so bad when I realized they would react to sounds & far away movement. It's cool! I would say ahead of its time, but this kind of stuff was very much of its time, & I sometimes forget that for especially older games.

2/6/24 | 12:04 PM

STORY

HELLO. So I Finishedthe game yestrday. (U can see Some ofmy gameplay and live reactions 2 stuff on my MGS story highlights on Instagram, I'll link them here Later...,)but like. Ooh my goshh... Oh wawie... Lots of stuff 2 think about here,,,the ending dude. IT WAS SO CUTE? BUT? it also felt really like...,when all the info from 1998 about nuclear weapons and stuff showed up it felt So impactful liek Woah woah Woah., THIS is how you use a videogame to make social & political statements because WOWWW.WOWIE KAZOWIE...

Shown right before the end credits begin.
Sorry about the gif quality lool.

liek every single theme inthe game related to the overall messsage and like of Course I already shared the view that war is bad and there should Not be like 100101302139 nukes in existence Ever but like. The text at the end was pretty shocking to read eventho i Alredy knew thatstuff. LIKE GOD UGHWOW URHGH I can jusy imagine all the people playing MGS at the time and learning that loke ohh jesus waw. LIKE. OTS VERY GOOD PERSUASION. They spend the Whole game teaching u all ofthese differetn ideas and shhowing scenarios to represent otehrstuff and they maekyou Care about these situations and Understand the consequences and what was wrong with their hthinking And Then They Hit You with The Statistics at the end to makeyou think like oh my gosh I just spent this whole game worrying about this crazy fictional nuclear warfare scandal thing and NOW i gotta worry about it in REAL LIEF.. LIKE THAT'S INCREDIBLE?THATS AMAZING PERSUASION. AND THEY JUST PRESENT THE DATA THEYDONT SAY ANYTHIGN LIKE WE NEEDTO STOP THIS BECSO LIKE ALL U NEED TO SEE IS THE DATA AND HAVE HAD THE EXPERIENCE INTHE GAM E TO FEEL LIKE. OH! I NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS! WAT AN INCREDIBLE SUBTLE CALL TO ACTION LIKE ??and like. someof ot is pretty explicit liek when characters woudl be talkjng and liek making big statements loke Ohh ur more than ur genetics Ur jsut a pawn to thegovernemtn orwahtevr but Then there's somany little moments or quick little pieces of dialgoue thatmake u Think... LIKE DUDE THERE ARE SO MANY RECURRING THEMESINTHIS GAME ICANT EVEN REMEMBER WHERE ALLOF THEM ARE FROM AND IPROBABLY COULDNT EVEN NAME ALL THE INSTANCES F THEM BEING REPRESENTED BECOS TJEY'RE ALL LIEK RELATED TOEACHOTHER AND ARE PRESENTED IN SOMANY SUBTLE WAYS THROIGHOUT LIKE DUDEE.. I do have a Few gripes with the writing But Like. You can Tell Kojima nd the MGS team KNEW how to write good stories because GOOSH analysing it as i played and connecting all of the themes iwas noticing was Awesome. Dude imgonna ahveto finish writing thtis review like later because I need to gather all the stuff I noticed and give iamges and stuff like there's so much iwanna tackle this essay style imgonna get examples man THisis great.,,. I'm strugglign with how to appraoch allmy thoughts but Im just gona Keep going and let it all spill out Ok. Ok. This will probably Suck to read.BUTLIEK goshh LIKE. THE SUBVERSION WITH SNAKE BEING LIKE A SOMEWHAT TYPICAL STOIC COLD ACTION HERO THEN SLOWLY GROWING AWAY FROMTHAT AND LEARNIGN TO JUSY LIVE AND LOVE LIFE INSTEADOF BEIGN LIKE A NAMELESS SOLDIER JTAT ONYL LIVES FOR HIMSELF LIKE DUDE TAJT WAS POEWRFUL. Him having like a casual cute conversation wiht Otacon atthe end about wat they're gonna do now was like Ohh wow,,,woow,,snake has Learned so Much,,,the learner! Aand he Laughed,,!the most Joyous laughter inthe Whole game!Ithink he maybe did alittle giggle of sorts liek aroudnthe beginning .with Naomi.rigjht???Tjats interesting actually......tey Both had the Same lesson thru the game..dude i'm only jsut now thinking more deeply about this but Naomi and Snake sortof almosy had the same?character arcs?sort of?They both began to understand tjat theres more to their lives than what they think adn like they parallel eachother in Other way s Too.?Like withthe dead parents Thing. and they have otherconnecitoins liek trhu gray fox and Also Naomi like wanted to Kill Snake Badly for getting gray fox Butlike she wasnt a "villain" in tha way Liquid was, becos she isn't like..necessarily evil?she technically iddnt even Do anythign, FoxDie and all the other stuff wasn't even arranged by her, she jusy wanted to be the one to kill snake, right?right? AND SPEAKING OF NAOMI GOSHHHHH THE LIKE MONOLOGUE FROM HER AT THE END..SO GOOD..AND IT RELATES TO EVER Y SINGLE THEME INTHE GAME. like. You aren't defined by your upbringing or your genetics or your trauma or your expectations or your duties or your past, LIVE!!!! Um.Iwas just trying to google the ending monologue from Naomi and. I've just learned there's.. 2 different endings, depending on if you submitted to Ocelot during the torture scene or Not. And the other ending ends with Meryl living and idek wat happens with Otacon. Okay. And the Meryl ending is the Canonical one. OKAY! I SEE! (U can not tell but my tone is mildly annoyed with a Bit of disappointment) OHHGGGggg awwww..I was JUST Gushing about how great the Otacon ending was. It was so sweet and it felt really satisfying and bittersweet almsot like dude That was Perfect?? I didn't even assume there was a diff ending. I had no idea Meryl lived.Well! This chnages a lot of my thoughts! I'll have to watch that ending later and give my thoughts..

Otacon ending & Meryl ending, left-to-right.
Click to watch & compare!

I actually accidentally submitted to Ocelot during that becos i am Dumb so like well i am Glad that happened! OKAY DROPPING IN A FEW DAYS LATER. I Watched the Meryl ending and Uhhhh wooow, tjat was literally the same as the Otacon ending but like. more upbeat and not really focused on the overall theme. Her and Otacon say like the same stuff mostly, except a few lines are changed or the tone was altered. the Colonel's discussion w snake about Meryl's death is Obviously skipped, and Snake only mentions Otacon in passing when he asks the Colonel to get him out of the building. Snake's monologue at the end has a WHOLE Different sortof moral though.if ucan callitthat. He says like...uhh just paraphrasing heere but, "I used to only live for myself... but now I want to live for someone else." And like altho that Is sortof a thing in the Otacon ending (Otacon talking abt haow he's not afraid of people anymore. WHICH I JUST MADE THE CONNECTION tjat Otacon overcomign his social awkwardness and fear of making relationships is like the same thing SNake went thru sortof with shutting people out and being afraid to form bonds because he doesn't want to go thru the pain of losing someone aagain,, TJATS COOL..ANYWAYS YHH BACKTO MY POINT.) Like. In the Otacon ending he sortof is like Ithink I want to live for Sometjing Other Than Myself, liek he nevr says he wants to start living for osmeone else as in Otacon (Probably because they didn't want to imply anything. god forbid!!) but tjat sortof has a different meaning..! There's a big difference between living for a romantic partner and living because youve gained the strength to do so some otehr way..BUUUT I think either way, both endngs have Snake making the same conclusions; He wants to start living because the people he's met (Meryl and Otacon, in both endings) have given him something and someone to live for Otherhtan Himself. So imean it doesnt make TOOO much ofa difference, but I think I much prefer the way the Otacon ending frames everythign. It's considered the bad ending apparently, but ithink it had a nice sortof triumphant but bittersweet feeling that jusy Felt Right for the story, sortof like RE4.....,Altho Meryl's death does sortof mess with Snake's whole fear of losing people he cares about thign. Like ithink my ideal version of these endings would be Meryl and Otacon both surviving Obviously BBUT it sortof covers the same stuff the Otacon ending does. Actually i wish Otacon and Meryl BOTH escaped with Snake instead of it being one or teh other. The two people who helped him learn to love again in Different Ways! How Awesome,, it feels weird taht Otacon was canonically sortof left behind. Watever thooough....Iuuuuh since we're on Meryl I guess iwill go ahead and air my grievances,, The One thing (a few things but wahtever) that let me down abotu this game were how Every single female character is written. The dissonance between the incredible storytelling shown with impactful characters like Snake or Otacon and the writing for Meryl, Sniper Wolf, Naomi, ETC makes me MAD. IM PISSED! LIKE. With each of these characters you can see some really interesting ideas, like, each of them can relate to Snake's problems in different ways and had the chance to sort of learn a lesson each and then SNake coudl see them and be like Ohhh and like learn Thru them. and imean that DOES happen. But. The issue is misogyny. That's it. I Know it was the 90's, but GOD I will NEVER forgive them for how much they messed up with the women. U can see in like Every other character that they KNOW how to write good meaningful characters. And you can Feel that talented storytelling in all of the women, liek there are cool interesting things about all three of the people I named that Mostly had the chance to shine and be explored, but. All of them were so grossly sortof reduced to nothing but Hot Girls to keep the Gamer's Attention,.. I remember each time Snake had a long discussion with Meryl or Wolf or Naomi I was like ohh this is interesting and cool andthen like I guess someone in the writer's room that day was like Duuude we frogot snake has to like women and gaemrs llove a hot girl tjats into you so tey threw in like random flirting or love confessions liek they were free cheese samples at Kroger that hav been sitting out all week. It made me sigh and frown Every Time like COME ON you HAVE SOMETHIGN PLEASE just LET YOUR GAME SPEAK FOR ITSELF,. Every single moment related to Snake and a Woman with a Romantic context had the Weakest writing and it all felt SO unrelated to every other theme in the game, except for Meryl's stuff but it still felt weird that he somehow fell in love with her so quickly especially since he had been repressing his emotions and avoiding forming relationships for so long. THE WORST THING is that Romantic love COULD have been related to the main theme of like Letting yourself Live Freely and Experience Emotions and Be Human and stuff. BUT they DIdnt really Do That? Like any time Snake was like heh Yes i lliike heerrr it jusy was Odd and out of nowhere like I wihs they made it more impactful and deep sortof..., Like. Dude. Snake & Otacon are proof enough that these people KNEW how to write realistic meaningful relationships between characters. You NATURALLY felt their connection develop throughout the game and by the ending when they're best friedns Ur like Awww look at these guys Aww look at how they came to be so close compared to where they were before Awww and it's so heartfelt how they Grew and Changed together while going through the horrific events of the game Awww wow How meaningful!.but U don't get to have that with Meryl. The Love Interest. She Gets like 30 minutes at Most. ..which EXTRA sucks becos Ican see how their relationship progresses, but it's cut off Wayy too early..,!icanalso see the platonic progression with Naomi since her and Snake had like a sortof brief companionship kinda thing around the beginning and some other parts, liek, they could connect thru their experiences and Also jusy sortof were similar, but, For Naomi, they interrupted that comfortable-ness around her becaiuse they had to like. plant the seeds of doubt and set up for her eventual twist and reveal her lies around the middle/end. Like, you go from co-worker pals sortof to being a bit skeptical by something she says to being told she's a spy and Then by the end you learn you two weren't so different after all and she wasn't really a super evil person liek u thought for a bit (but theres still an air of skepticality around her,,,! Depends on if the player trusts her,,). THATS GOOD. THAT WAS GOOD!!!!! But then at the end AFTER her reveal ithink Naomi was likeuhhh idk i forgot but at some point she was like ooooogh oww ow(being attacked)oww ohhhh...also snake I love you LIKE WHAT? WHAT? TJAT FELTSO WEIRD? AND UNNATURAL? AND IT MUDDIED UP LIKE EVREYTHING ELSE ABOUT HER AND SNAKE'S ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP. AND CONSIDERING MERYL IS THE ACTUAL LOVE INTEREST IDK WHY THEYD DO THAT? LIEK YOURE TRYING TO SET UP A DIFFERENT ROMANCE WATS THIS ABOUT? And like I think it was the Worst with Meryl becos AGAIN they had the chance to have her and snake connect thru their shared experiences and Also they had like somethging set up at first and OKWAIT IM LEAVIGN okhi. im ontje bus on my phone typngthis oys so lag. but anywaus Snake and Meryl had an interestng dynamic at first where Snake was like Worried for this oerson who he Doesn't know (feelings he was actively trying Not to make apparent because he was Not ready to accept that he could care for anyone but himself yet) andshe was caught up in Horrible warfare with hardly any experience(an idea Sniper Wolf embodies in an opposite but sorrofSimilar kinda way since she was born on a battlefield and had been experiencing and participating in war her Whole Life) and doesn't have the heart (or lackthereof as snake probably thoight) to shoot and kill someone and i Think if they just let that continue at least a Bit longer past Psycho Mantis they could do really interestign stuff..!Snake was pushing his emotions away because it was Easy and people Expected him to be the legendary stone cold killer Solid Snake (Naomi actually reinforces that on him at one point by bringing his expectations and title up at one point or another Right?swear she did. interestiiing!!)and him caring about Meryl's wellbeing got in the way of who he thought he was (or at least what he thought he should think he was,) and was like one of the first big things that set him (and yhe player) up to start questioning whether he really wantsto Be solid snake. he Doesnt want to be ruthless and emotionless, he Isnt, he knows deeper down that it Isnt who he is, but he only wanted to Survive and Do what He Had To. so he had to repress anything that would require him to slow down and Think becos a Good Soldier Questions Nothing. like he wasletitng Other People define him while simultaneously isolating himself. like dude he was in DEEP.he had a Lot to unpack. and Meryl's presence forced him to confront someof tjat stuff for the first time.! he outwardly acted rude and demeaned her sortof jusy to avoid acknowledging tjat he has the capacity to Care about someone and to keep up his Solid Snake persona. becos he had lost people in the past apparently(this game was likr continuing the older ones so i have no idea abt any of that unfortunately)when he was vulnerable and Emotional so hejusy shut down and tried to turnninto a robotic soldier essentially. and agaun people around him would only reinforce this by beinglike Ohh wow you kill peopleand have no friends adn u dont even care? woow ur evil? wow?. and he was sortif confronted or made aware of his apparent Caringness for Meryl by other people throigjout the game and like. gosj i could go on and on but i need to make myPoint okok. but like. All ofthat eas really great and even with the Weird treatment of her it works sortof But.at the same time around her introduction they sexualize her liek instantly and this continues for a While.like. itfelt sortof Uncomfortable. theyd have moments where they talked a bit and Merylwould say somethingng and then she wold like walk towards the camera and it would zoom in on her breast shaped Polygons and ots like ok so yhe entiree weight of that scene has judt been Squashed. You dont want me to focus on what shes saying You Want meto focus on the sexy cuboid woman. Ok. Like this goes for all kinds of storytelling mediums, Namely mvoies with similar themes as MGS from arounfnthe ssme time, but loke. Stuff like that where they use the female characters for random fanservice and arbitrarily turnthem into love interests makes it apparent that the writers are assuming the audience is Dumb and thattehy Dont care about women as Characters and People. they assume the audience is Too Clueless to recognize the story elements they want to convey and they Refuse to give a woman deeper emotiosn and conflict and Humanity Especially as a love interest so theyre jsut liek Loool check out the sexy woman hahahah The main character learns from her but Shes not allowed to Learn things because we do not respect women's emotions and such ahahahahh!her BOBS!loook!. in a story like MGS with so much Thought provoking and complex storytelling, the factthat they treated their female characters this way & just the wayit was implemented shows that they probably knew exactly how terribly they handled them, but they jsuy Didnt Care. Its indicative of the times that they felt the need to (or Had the Desire to) do that iguess but again idont judt like saying "oh well, bakc in the day people thogiht that was okay, so whatevr" becos like its not as if everyone was jusy Accidentally writing all the women as static characterrs meant to serve the male gaze, that was just the expectation for a good story. Why would anyone want to play Mario if they didnt have Peach as the reward? Altho ot is important 2 acknowledge tjat women beign depicted as promiscuous or flirty or simply being sexualized at all is Not the issue, it's more the way it's executed in this game that sets me the wrong way. I dont htink this came across in my playthrough, but i AM quite glad Meryl survived and will appear in later games, becos I think her character is interestign and i Do want to see them do more with her,,,hopefully her potential is Fully recognized! And i Also hope the writers grew up a bit and learned to Actually Write Female Characters. Idk..iwill have to see......

GAMEPLAY

2/13/24 | 2:10 PM

UMM. well. WOW this entry is LONG. These thoughts are so scattered. I'm just gonna cover the gameplay now,,, OKAY OKAY OKAY.. So like. UHHH. tge gameplay...oooh I had a bit of adjusting to do. Thisis the first game ive fully played thru on my PS2, so ihad to get used to using a DPad for an entire game for like..the first time ever. And GOSH did it hurt. My left thumb got very strained after extended periods of play, and tha pain was worse during boss fights,,, like up until Psycho Mantis the pain wasn’t noticeable enough to bother me, but after going at him for a while my thumb hurt BAD style,,, like every time I played afterwards I experienced hand pain.,,yowww,,,it was quite annoying but Luckily I am very good at pushing thru pain so I persevered,,I made sure to take breaks occasionally tho..but that’s more of an issue of the controller & my age (iwas born like..right at the end of the DPad generation if that makes sense. So I am Not used to them,,!) OTHER than that, I think the game design was very ahead of its time, as I said in my initial thoughts a few months ago….! It surprised me whe;n the AI wasn’t completely braindead (I didn’t have LOW standards for the game, I was just testing how far ahead it was and I didn’t expect it to feel so modern!,,) Thr first two “levels” of the game (like, when u emerge from the water and the room thing after that) brought me a Lot of trouble because I had to figure things out (and then school got in the way and I had like, a few months between my next play session,,) but liek once I got the hang of it the combat wasn’t TOOO bad.., the Ocelot fight was frustrating when I couldn’t get the aiming right but Honestly it was good at giving me the time to learn strategies for gun fighting right off the bat,,, very cool! I hope that was deliberate becos if so Wooww,,clever,,,and speaking of the boss fights, goshhh… Those were like. The most intense parts of the game. And also the most time consuming . I said this before, but the boss fights have an almost dark souls-like tedium to it.,, I would reach a boss, go at it, die, then keep going at it and dying until iwas able to learn the patterns and devise a good strategy for defeating them. Each boss took upwards of an hour— I think psycho mantis may have taken the longest? (I’ll talk more about him later)— but like.., honestly. I really really enjoyed it. I compare the boss design to dark souls nawt only for the tedious death loop I spent learning how to counter them, but also for tha way they made me feel,… (Watch Out. I am going to get autistic about Dark Soils for a moment. Beware..) Dark Souls’ boss design is so special for how it makes youFEEL,, the way it’s able to present these huge intimidating battles that are frustrating and difficult but at the same time balance them out just enough and give you Just the right amount of tools and your disposal to feel like it ISNT unfair is So awesome.., it gives you the most exhilarating feeling that keeps you coming back death after death as you learn more strategies against all odds, and tha moment whennyou finally defeat them gives u such a powerful rush of emotion and excitement and ots jjusy Beautiful. It’s loke the best part of videogames,,, overcoming these “impossible” challenges and feeling awesome and smart for it. (Because you are!) it feels even better since there are so many potential ways to tackle them, so with enough experimenting, you’ll always be able to find a way (yes, cheesing it counts as a strategy.) I think Metal Gear Solid’s bosses encapsulated a lot of those same elements to me; it presents to you these strong, intimidating enemies, and you’re left to figure them out on your own with only your wits and what you’ve got on hand. By strengthening your skills with your weapons and learning new strategies each time you go at them, you’re able to turn these daunting tasks into a puzzle of sorts, culminating in you using all the strats you’ve learned against them perfectly in order to finally take them down. And it feels Awesome. It feels So GOOD. (Especially since boss fights made my left thumb hurt very very bad and I desperately wanted a break, but the rush was too addicting for me to take a break for too long,,) it makes these moments so much more memorable and impactful, which is a great quality to have for a game like this with such a complex and emotional plot. It’s immersive ina way,,! (It’s important to include the fact that I went into this game almost fully blind, and didn’t look at any guides for the entire playthrough, like I always do. So my experience will probably be different to lots of other people’s. That’s fine! I think this still works, even if someone looked up strategies instead of finding them out themself— they’d still have to have the skill to execute them, and I think that on its own can feel just as great. There’s no “correct” way to play a game, I think! I just lean more towards the “accurate” experience as a weird little nerd with the privilege of owning these games and consoles physically. Besides tha point tho..) Anyyways, ithink I have Said enough there, ireally wantto move on and talk about something that made me Absolutely Giddy,, (youKnow ots good when it is turning me British,,) Psycho Mantis…ooohh ohhh psychomantis … such a freking joy. I really wish I went into his fight FULLY blind, I unfortunately learned about the memory card reading like…years and years ago. BUT… I had No idea about the controller on the floor bit or the fake TV input change he does. Both moments were brief and I was giggling and laughing instead of shaking in my boots liek the devs probably expected, but they made me SO delighted,,! Like. GOSH that was Good. It gave me chills ina like, ohh wow this was probably one of the first games of its kind to do something like this and it’s so cool to see it happening right now in front of me just as it was two decades ago kinda way. Like ahahahah yessss psycho mantis of course I’ll put my controller flat on the ground and im totally so scared of the DualShock 2 controller vibrating around Aaahhhh your powerrs! Ahhh! like ohh it’s just such a joy. The TV changing inputs made me jump the first time it happened, but as soon as I looked at the big goofy “HIDEO” in the top right I was like Ohhh yeah this is totally ineffective on this flat screen TV ohhh I love this. OHH! and I nearly forgot to mention the controller port thing! So like. If u didn’t play the game, Psycho Mantis is able to read all of your inputs UNLESS you put your controller into port two…like dude oh my GOSH that is good. And I WISH I had the time to figure that out on my own but Unfortunately I got a codec call after I died a few times that told me to do that. It was still awesome to do, but it would have been INSANE to discover that myself. Honestly, I probably would have taken a while to discover that, becos I wasn’t thinking physically enough,, like of Course the way to defeat this omnipotent videogame boss that can seemingly manipulate your console in the real world would just be to..plug the controller into port 2. That is Good. Ok ANYWAYS I really need to wrap this up.., thisis my longest entry Yet. There is NO WAY anyone is reading this all the way thru. Actually, if you Do somehow read this whole thing, comment somethign onmy neocities page or like DM me or somthing becos I Seriously refuse to believe anyone will have the power to.

CONCLUSION

It is so difficult for me to wrap up my thoughts on this game into a single conclusion. There’s so much about it that had me hyped up the entire time I played, and even though there were a few things that sort of got on my nerves, it was greatly overshadowed by just how groundbreaking it felt. Like, I didn’t even talk about the freaking car chase at the end where Liquid chases you as you gun eachother down?? I remember being amazed that this was still the same game at all, it was and awesome fast-paced climactic battle,,OKAY STOP I HAVE TO STOP THE YAPPING!! I think the fact that I can hardly cover a single aspect of this game without going on a paragraphs-long tangent just gushing about it shows just how strongly this game made me feel. My vague comparison of it to Dark Souls— again, sorry 2 bring it up— was really significant, because I unironically feel that Elden Ring and the Souls series as a whole has left a massive impression on the way I play games and my life in general. It’s what made me finally decide that game design was the career path I really wanted, and it helped me work on legitimate life skills that had eluded me for years, most of all being patience. It takes a LOT of patience (and stubbornness. (And Autism.)) to play through these older games, ESPECIALLY as someone who grew up gaming in the late 2000s-2010s. A lot of people my age struggle to find the motivation or energy to put up with games like these— NOT because of low attention span or low intelligence, obviously!!— Simply because they’re just so Of Their Time. I’m stopping myself from going into more detail than necessary, but it’s simply a fact that game design has evolved so much since the 80s and 90s that It’s very difficult to find these older games enjoyable, especially from a more casual gamer’s perspective. It’s like trying to do a math problem without a calculator compared to solving it With one. The former feels tedious, annoying, pointless, and the only reason you’d willingly want to do it that way is if you were a Nerd. Like,,whay im Tryig to say is that it takes a very certain type of person to find chasing a boss in a circle and shooting at them periodically for an hour Fun. And even I can say that there are games I still just don’t like to play, namely ones within the first to fourth generation of consoles and before.but like. Getting back to my point.., a game like Elden Ring that can make me feel so strongly and change how I live my life so significantly is a Good Freakifn Game. While not every game aims for this, I think most strive to provide that sort of life-changing experience. The gameplay and story of Metal Gear Solid evoke a very powerful message, not only bringing awareness to the very real issue of nuclear warfare and government corruption, but the incredibly moving dialogue at the end that every piece of this game finally builds up to;

The important thing is that you choose life… And then live! Dont you think, Snake?

My 2024 Gaming Resolutions.,,

12/29/23 | 9:08 PM

gaming resolutions ohmygod I am a Loser. ANYWAUS. I am optimistic for 2024! And! I'd like to actually set resolutions for the first time Liek Ever. My biggest problem this uear was getting myself to finish games and be motivated to do things in general, so hopefully I can fix that next year,,.OKOK here is my Idea. During 2024 I Must play at least 1-2 games a week, and for at least 30 minutes to an hour. and LIKE.., iKnow That makes me sound lazy r something but I have a LOT of free time as an unemployed highschooler so. I spent a frustratingly large amount of time this year literally doing nothing becos I couldn't get myself to do anything else. so if I have a sortof requirement then MAYBE that can help.., ofcourse if I can't play a game in a week for any reason that's fine. This isn't a strict list or anything. BUT ON THAT NOTE. THere are a Lot of games I started on this year that I didn't finsih. SO. I will make a list of those Now! Here. RIght BElow THis.

• RE4R: Separate Ways
• RE7: Biohazard
• Resident Evil: Code Veronica X
• Metal Gear Solid
• RE Director's Cut

1/8/24 | 12:36 PM

HAY i'm jst throwing this here 2 keep track of what I've been playing recently so I can rememebr 2 like. write abt it later. thisis also technically the first post ofthe year iguess so wooo woooo wow oh yeah woo yea

• Rayman Legends
• Fortnite (LIKE ONE TIME WITJ MYFIRENDS OKAU
• WarFrame..
• MGS
• MGS2
• MGS3

2/28/24 | 12:07 PM

Xbox - Started: N/A - Finished: unfinished - Mode: Normal - Final Score: N/A

Finished with game, working on this review. Expect it in a few weeks. I'm trying to make it a BIT more intelligent sounding & structured compared 2 the previous review. :D

Where've I been?

6/2/24 | 1:48 AM

Soooooo. Hi. I keep forgetting I have an entire blog page I made. For Blogging. It's a bit of a pain to add entries to & I hate how lloooong the site gets when I have a ton... So I Just Don't. Oooops. aanyways. uhm. I forgot I was in the middle of writing my mgs2 review! Oops. I'll have to replay the game a little before I do that... It's hard to review stuff without it fresh in my mind. So. FOr the like, 1 guy waiting on that, just hold out a little longer.
I haven't really been gaming as much lately. I mean, I HAVE, but it's been a while since I've gotten INTO into something. I got out of school like, two or three weeks ago now, so I've just been winding down and trying to shake off the extreme burnout I was experiencing. I DID Just pick up some new games tho while I was out visiting relatives... Smash Bros. Brawl (from a blockbuster in south carolina, WITH the manual), Minecraft Story Mode: Season Pass Edition for the 360, Professor Layton and the Unwound Future, and Devil May Cry! All for about $50 from some sketch old dude at a flea market. Pretty cooool... ANYWAYS umm I really haven't been up 2 much, mostly been hanging out with friends and stuff. I'll get back to you all once I get started on something. It's hard to keep up a consistent play schedule like I had hoped (As I Expected tbh) but it's no problem. I'm as happy as can be :) I'll try to update this blog more often too, I really neglect it... ooohg. Anyways Uhhhhmmmm Ineed 2 go 2 bed. Byeeeeee...

Learning to let go: How the Hell did I get into Overwatch

8/8/24 | 1:16 PM

I expected this summer to be the perfect time for me to bite through a chunk of my game library & also work on my website & game reviews. I was so. So wrong. Aside from the odd summertime faux-depression (thank you, schedule-dependent autism), I ended up eating the days away without finishing a single game! I think I opened MGS3 like, 5 times maybe, and each time I just got tired after a little bit and shut it off. Yeah. And, in my mental drought, I became vulnerable. With no active fixations, my mind was desperate for something- anything- to latch onto for motivation and inspiration. So, In this unfortunate weakened state, I managed to get fixated on Overwatch.
Of all things.
But, honestly, I think accruing such an unfortunate interest has re-taught me something valuable about how I engage with & discuss games. I think it's important as someone decently attuned to the game industry to remember that there is no such thing as an "un-problematic" game or game company. And of course when I say this I don't mean to say objectively horrible and morally wrong games and companies don't exist; they're fairly plentiful, I'd know. But, I think the way that some choose to discuss the topic of games that are problematic to play and support tends to reduce the truth & scale of actual issues with the industry and its most divisive titles.
Now I KNOW the fact that I'm actively fixated on a controversial game does make me biased regardless of my stance, but I promise I'm not just saying all this to defend myself. There's nothing I need to defend myself from in the first place. Yeah, admitting I'm an Overwatch fan is embarassing, but I'm fairly sure it's nothing I'll be killed over. Maybe. We'll see.
In any case, what I'm really trying to get at is the idea that there are developers and franchises that are either good or evil. It's just this idea that there's some companies that are good and some that are cartoonishly evil, no in-between, that bugs me the most, because what you'll realize as you learn more about the game industry and just industry as a whole is that there's no such thing as a "good" company. In fact, throw out any sort of black-and-white language like "good" or "bad", no more of that, stop saying that. Valve software aren't "the good guys" just because they aren't EA, EA aren't "the bad guys" just because they're the most well-known sucky publisher, they're both in this industry together and they're both selling you lootboxes. Whatever biases you have towards or against one company or another, you need to drop it. Not only does it reduce the bad that can go on in the offices of even the most likable companies, but it reduces the work of those who slave away in offices with some of the worst reputations in the business. What I'd ultimately like to point out to some of you is that, no, Activision/Blizzard does not consist entirely of deadbeats and sex pests- there are so many talented people who go to work in those offices every day and, in spite of the extreme hours and crunch and idiotic cuts that erase years of their work at once, they should not be treated as if they are themselves the company. Those art designers and programmers and writers in those offices are not Activision/Blizzard- the C.E.O., the investors, whatever other nasty greaseballs work in corporate- that's Activision/Blizzard. I'm not asking you to just excuse the horrible things they allowed to go on in their offices just because not everyone there was guilty- I just mean that you should not ever vilify the workers for the sins of a corporation. I look at a game like Overwatch, so riddled with problems and management issues, and I just can't help but empathize with anyone stuck on that team. They